Peter marches to the beat of a different bagpipe

"My word!"
"The nerve!"
"The gall!"
"The effrontery!"
"The aluminum!"

We all looked at Peter.
"What? What did I say?"
Peter stared at the floor.
We watched Peter closely for the rest of the day.
There were no further incidents.

“Trump. Explain.”

An old man comes down out of the hills, reads a newspaper for the first time in years, looks around confused.

“Trump. Explain.”

One of the townsfolk takes a stab at it.

“There’s this guy with a double barrel shotgun. He notices a scorpion on his boot, tries to shoot it, blows away half his foot. The scorpion moves over to the other foot. He decides not to shoot his one remaining good foot, instead reverses the shotgun and tries to whack the scorpion with the butt. The shotgun goes off and takes away half his face.”

“So this blind guy hopping around with the pet scorpion is Donald Trump?”

“No, that’s the United States of America in 2019.”

He mulls this for a bit.

“OK, what about this BREXIT?”

“Same thing pretty much but with a British accent.”

The old man looks around, then spits. He buys enough supplies to last a few months and heads back up into the hills.

Pandora rocks; liking Five For Fighting more & more

"Two Lights" (from the CD of the same name)

What is courage? Is it brave?
What are lions? I've only seen them in parades
How is love supposed to read?
In a footnote of history

What's a tap on your shoulder?
That you're afraid to look over
A soldier's down in a fire fight
No one can look me in the eye

This is what it means to be alone

Tear out my heart, feed it to lions
Oh, for this one wish I beg you this tonight
Show me no mercy but spare me my pride
Oh, I'm going for a drive

And if you find out he's coming home
When I come around the corner
I'll know that it's alright
Just leave me two lights

He was young just 23, didn't have to go
But it was the man he wanted to be
Like every son he was an only one
And one day he came to me, said

"Freedom's nothing to look over
Till each man can stand upon its shoulder
I'll right you mountains of letters
Each one a little bit better

And know I'll never be alone

Tear out my heart, feed it to lions
Oh, for this one wish I beg you this tonight
Show me no mercy but spare me my pride
Oh, I'm going for a drive

And if you find out he's coming home
When I come around the corner
I'll know that it's alright
Just leave me two lights

Silent angels light the road up ahead
As the sentries guard the way
On the avenue of borrowed time

I'm almost home, the sun's to rise
I got to know, I've been driving all the night
There's our corner up ahead
I'm alive and I am dead

I drive right through the stop sign
I turn my head as I lift my eyes
My eyes burn

Tear out my heart, feed it to lions
For this one wish I beg you this tonight
Show me no mercy, spare me my pride
I'm going for a drive

Songwriter: John Ondrasik
Five For Fighting

Mr. Marmalade

Can't find Superman? No response to the Bat-Signal?
Iron Man, Wonder Woman and the Tick are all at the convention?
I may know who can help you.

Mr. Marmalade.

In addition to being very knowledgeable about jams jellies and preserves of all kinds, Mr. Marmalade has been in his share of tough spots and sticky situations. Loan sharks, hooligans, bullies of all kinds will run the other way.

Also if you need to know where to get the best english muffins in the Baltimore area or crumpets in Seattle, he is your guy.

Truth in advertising

New York, New Jersey and New Hampshire are no longer 'new'.
They were part of the original 13 British Colonies. A long time ago.
So.
Henceforth they will be known as York, Jersey, and Hampshire.

Canoe + Kayak double the fun

Letter to the President

I sent the following email to whitehouse.gov.

Dear Mr. President

I've been doing some thinking, running the numbers, and I have a proposal.

I've got more than 50 T-shirts for you (for your Democratic Senators) and all I want in return is an audio recording.

The shirts could have said various things about mandates, short memories, the Golden Rule, and respect (or lack thereof) but I believe in keeping it simple.

"Payback's a Bitch"

So when the GOP-controlled House tries to undo the accomplishments of the last 2 years, flip a coin. Heads, hand out the shirts. Tails, have your third base coach signal the Senate Majority Leader. Let the bill be debated. If it shows up on your desk, I want a recording of the maniacal laughter as you wield your veto pen.

Give 'em Hell Harry!
I mean, Barack!
Mr. President.
Sir.

Stan Howald
Madison, WI

So I went to my 30th year college reunion last weekend. I went rooting around in my bookbag for wit, wisdom, basic social skills. Found my baseball glove. Hit a triple into left field. All in all not too shabby.